I want to have a happy wife. I can’t believe it took me ten years to learn how to make my wife happy. That’s like…longer than it takes to become a doctor. I know…I’m pathetic.
I’m probably exaggerating. I know I’ve made her happy over the years…but over time…I’ve noticed that our marriage doesn’t look anything like our dating years.
So…this is for every guy that wants the affection, adoration, and admiration of his wife.
But first…there’s a few things you’ve got to figure out about her.
A good woman doesn’t care about the things you think she cares about. You go into the business world everyday thinking that if you can make a ton of money that she’ll respect you more. You think that if you hit the gym everyday and put on a six pack of abs that she’ll somehow not be able to take her hands off of you. You think that if you hold “powerful” titles in the various organizations you’re associated with that she’ll brag about you to her friends and family.
To a good woman…all of this is nothing to her. She doesn’t want your money, your muscles, or your titles. Remember…when you first met her you probably had none of that, and those are probably some of your happiest times.
So what did you have going for you during those early dating years?
You served her.
You genuinely served her.
You went out of your way to show her you care. You made her feel special…and deep down there’s a good chance that your wife wants that more than anything else in this world. She wants to feel special to her husband.
I was talking to my wife recently and I was telling her that I didn’t think I correctly understood what serving her really meant. I’ve always felt like I’ve served her during our marriage. I help her when she asks me to fix the computer or printer. I work hard during the day for her and the kids. I take her out to dinner (normally with the kids). I say nice things to her on a regular basis. I take out the trash or help with things around the house.
But as I thought about all of the things I do for her…I realized that most of the things I feel like I’m doing to serve her is actually me just serving the family. Most of the things I do are no more than the necessary routines of life. I’d do them regardless of whether she’s around or not. Most functions are just basic hygiene and maintenance factors for living.
It’s when I go above and beyond my routine to dip into the things that might be troubling her without being prompted that she really lights up. When I do the things she knows I really don’t want to do at the times I don’t want to do them the most… that is when she becomes a raving fan.
At that point…sparks are flying and other troubles seem to fade into the background.
There’s so much untapped potential within every single marriage. Many marriages fall apart because of this single principle: Two people who were once madly in love, forget what it means to truly serve one another. Other more serious issues follow the neglect of this seemingly simple principle of service. Unsolicited service at inconvenient times is the glue that holds relationships together. This type of service causes and enables a relationship to excel far beyond what it was even in those dating years. The more you serve someone…the more you love them.
For some reason, as my wife has explained to me, there is nothing that turns her on to me more than when I start cleaning the kitchen and dishes all by myself without being asked or prompted. Just a little thing…and yet it remains among one of the most effective things I could have done during a day to make her crazy about me. Again…these are the types of things a person thinks of doing when they’re dating…but once married life sets in and you succumb to the routines of life, you lose that unique sense of service. You fall into a rut summarized by mental statements such as:
“I already do so much for everyone”
“I normally do this for the family and you normally do that for the family.”
“I do my job and you do your job.”
This mindset has got to be one of the most unrecognized follies of post honeymoon married life…and yet all too common. I learned that I must transcend my comfortable routine and cease doing the bare minimum required to classify me as a “good husband.” I don’t want her to remember me as “good”. I want to be remembered as “great”. Performing unexpected acts of service for my wife is like pouring gasoline on hot coals in a southern California beach pit. These simple acts take me into another realm of happiness at home.
I can’t believe it took me 10 years to figure out this secret. Better late than never I guess. Here’s to implementing this secret over then next 10+ years. It’s a secret that is staring so many love starved couples in the face…and it’s really easy to implement once you witness the benefits of practicing it.