You’re most likely not going to like this article. I don’t blame you for not sharing it. It definitely wont be the popular thing to do. There isn’t a chance on earth I thought I’d ever write something like this in my teenage years or even in my young adult years. But now I’m an old dad…and everything has changed. I’m much more sensitive to the type of world we’re going to leave to our children…and for that reason…I’ll be laughed at for even thinking to write what I’m about to write. If someone wrote this same article and I read it 10 years ago…I might have written him a message calling him an idiot and challenging him to lighten up.
Before I get started…I want to be clear…I think Jimmy Fallon is hilarious. I also loved…and I mean loved “Saved by the Bell”. It was by far my favorite show growing up. But times have changed.
Most people with a Facebook account have had the “awesome” new Jimmy Fallon/Saved By The Bell parody come across their news feed in the last week or two. When I saw this video posted over and over again, I figured…”this thing has got to be good!” So I clicked on it and starting watching it.
I was immediately overcome with a flood of good memories. This was the show of my generation! That classic tune immediately put a smile on my face…and then………….
Zack Morris comes on the scene. Zack was the coolest dude at school. Everyone cheers as he comes down those iconic stairs at Bayside High. Most boys my age wanted to be like Zack. They wanted that cool wave in their hair and they wanted one of those cell phones the size of a cinder block. Every boy paid attention to what Zack Morris did.
Then there’s Slater. He cruises out of another hallway still sporting that rolled up shirt and those big ol biceps. Slater’s “mama” aka Jessie…then heads down those stairs and Slater does a ballet dance. Classic! The cheers!
The skit pulls you in…makes you laugh…makes you smile.
And then the garbage starts to creep in. I call it “dog poop cake”.
Here’s how the media operates. They serve you this great looking monster of a chocolate cake. The cake is moist and the frosting delicious. There is fudge mixed in between the layers and they’ve got people smiling with every bite. What those unsuspecting people (especially kids) don’t understand is that the bakers of that cake have mixed in almost undetectable amounts of poop into that chocolate cake. The cake tastes so good that no one really notices. People just keep smiling and chewing and swallowing and laughing. The poop blends right in with the chocolate and no one really knows the difference.
But over time…consuming too much poop is going to make a person sick. Not with just a stomach ache like you’d get from eating too much normal cake, but with e.coli and the the like.
Our society is screwed up, sick, and depressed because of a mass consumption of “dog poop cake”.
Go back and watch the video again. I’ll even post it here so that you get to it easily. But this time when you watch it…look at it through the eyes of an unsuspecting young person who is just trying to fit in at their high school. Look at it through the eyes of that “latchkey” kid who is being raised not by parents but by actors and musicians.
Then ask yourself what they’re going to learn as they observe “the coolest kids at Bayside High”
You’ll see trace amounts of dog poop being shoved into you kids chocolate cake.
Zack refers to Jessie becoming a stripper and then they all have a great laugh about it. Haha…it’s so funny. We keep laughing and overlook that part.
Then…later on Kelly Kapowski comes cruising on to the scene and has something very important to tell her high school boyfriend Zack.
“I’m pregnant” comes the jaw-dropping announcement.
In a moment of panic…Zack hits the “time-out” button…a right he exercised on a regular basis during the Saved by the Bell series. Everyone is motionless as Zack analyzes the situation. Keep in mind…this is the climax of the skit.
Zack ponders the repercussions of getting Kelly pregnant.
“Well on the downside…I’ll probably be grounded for life…but on the plus side…’I got Kelly Kapowski pregnant”.
He gives a smug nod. His tone and body language depict his accomplishment as a conquest. It was an “I’m the man” kind of moment for Zack. He gives that trademark smile as he beams with pride. He’s the coolest guy in school…
(The cheers erupt like never before)
Zack calls “time-in” and then proceeds to tell Kelly how great it is that she’s pregnant and that they should run off to Vegas to get married and then move to Beverly Hills. [Most of us got the pun intended]
It’s one giant joke to us “old folks” that grew up in the 80’s and 90’s but the young people are consciously and unconsciously thinking…”hey…thats what cool people do.”
The coolest dude at Bayside gets girls pregnant. The coolest girls at Bayside become strippers and get pregnant.
Everyone claps…there’s hugs and kisses xoxoxoxxoxox …and then Mr. Belding breaks through on the intercom. Everyone sings and dances and life is so freaking awesome at Bayside High.
As of today…there are approximately 26 million people that have watched this video. If each of those 26 million people are like me…they probably laughed their way through this entire 8 minute clip. But then I thought about it for a minute and asked myself…”what the heck are you laughing about…dad”
In classic Hollywood fashion…reality is left out of the performance. Reality doesn’t sell half as good as fantasy right?
No one tells all those young girls that laughed so hard at that video that “8 out of 10 teen dads don’t marry the mother of their child.” Yeah…80% of those Zack Morris’s out there that promise to take their pregnant girlfriends to the chapel o love never actually make it past Vegas’s state line. (Sources)
But there’s more in store for that poor girl because “more than 50% of teen mothers never graduate from high school” and “less than 2% of teen moms earn a college degree by age 30.” And if all of that wasn’t exciting enough…there’s also an “80 percent chance that unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare.” (Sources)
Mother and child are at a significant disadvantage while dad is on another conquest somewhere.
The media is making people sick with their subtle administrations of their mental dog poo. It’s jacked up…and we just keep laughing at it like it’s all good. We’re laughing at this hilarious parody while the reality behind this parody’s plot is sadness, loneliness, depression, and despair. Mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters being led to believe that life is a certain way when it’s really not. It’s a decoy.
A happiness decoy…and you’ve got to admit it’s pretty effective. 26 million views effective…
I’m sick of the insinuations. I’m sick of the innuendo. Everything in life doesn’t have to be about sex. I’m sick of wondering how much pooooo is laced into every chocolate cake we sit down to enjoy. I’m sick of throwing that chocolate cake in the trash and wasting my money because I don’t want to eat the rest of that cake…
…and at this point you probably think I’m some kind of sensitive weirdo. You might be right.