A Letter From A Dad To Carl’s Jr. and The Women in Their Commercials

Dear Carls Jr. –

I’ve been a big fan of your burgers for a long time. You’ve always had a unique taste that kept me coming back. Then you guys came up with those unbelievable milkshakes. They are the best of any milkshakes around. Then there is your breakfast! Some of my best memories consist of waking up early and heading down to Trestles beach in San Clemente, and there you were…open early with a clean bathroom and a big bacon and egg burrito to help me down the trail to surf some of the best waves in Southern California. What memories! And you were part of that!

I’ve eaten at your establishment more times than I can remember because of the fact that you have a location right across the street from my office building. You are the only drive-thru for miles…so when I’m in a hurry…you make it really easy. When I was little…I’d get a little happy stars meal and it would make me happy…

But things have changed between me and you. Your little smiling stars now make me frown. I haven’t eaten your food for at least 2 years now. So many times I’m in a hurry during a busy work day and your food sounds so good to me but I just won’t let myself…because of what you stand for now.

Let me explain myself. Awhile back you started a nasty little campaign to push the limits of what is acceptable in your commercials. It started to become really awkward when one of your commercials would come on in between time outs while my family was watching a basketball game together. We would just divert our attention and talk about something else or turn the channel for the time being. But now you’re just going to far. You’re getting sneakier with time and I’m not sure what to do.

We don’t have TV in our home and so we’re able to shun a lot of the filth…but my wife took my kids to a restaurant with her sister and her kids last week and she related an experience she had with you. My kids are 8 and 6. One girl and one boy. The girl is 8 and she’s taking it all in. In the restaurant they ate at… a TV playing sports was visible from their table. Sports are awesome…and clean…and that is an obvious reason why the restaurant would have that on. It’s something that the whole family can watch. That restaurant would never dream of throwing in a porn flick for all of their customers to watch while they ate…especially with little kids around. But…you…you have found a way around that haven’t you! You figure…that if you can call it a “commercial” then it will get aired in between programs that are acceptable for everyone. You are knowingly sneaking porn into the minds of our children and desensitizing the whole family by calling it a “commercial” and having it only run for 30 seconds. It’s really not a commercial though. It’s a 30 second porn flick. I don’t know how you clear it through the networks. Maybe they’re at fault as well. All I know is that it sucks!

It just so happened (as my wife related it to me) that while all of the kids eyes were glued to their favorite sports team…out of the blue…comes your most recent commercial. Two women nigh unto naked falling over each other flaunting your most recent creation. I’ve got to give it to your marketing department though. They are smart. They found a way to get the most bang for your buck. They found a way to fringe on lesbianism and yet at the same time get men to think that two women is better than one. Just like your meats. Two meats is better than one right? Is that the message you’re trying to convey?

I don’t know what all of the other dads in the United States wants for their daughters…but I know I don’t want mine to ever see this stuff especially at such a young and impressionable age. I also don’t want her thinking she has to be like one of these women in order to be attractive to a guy. And oh all those poor little boys that are going to be raised with a false sense of what a woman should be. You are destroying everything that a woman should be 30 seconds at a time…almost as if you’re administering mental poison by degrees, and you’re taking the young people with you. A little bit of shock value here and a little bit of shock value there until it’s just “ok”. If you were a TV show or a movie with a rating…then we would know how and when to avoid you, but you are sneaky…and it’s impossible to retract those images once they’ve hit their little brains. You’ve just taught my innocent little daughter that it’s cool and hip and alright to become sexually promiscuous with other girls and to show your body to the world. Is that what you want the kids of the nation thinking about every time they go to get a burger or pass by one of your happy star smily faces? You’re going to turn all those innocent smily faces (that has been the icon of your brand for years) into depressed little sad faces both male and female alike because of your messaging.

I know what you’re going to say. You’re in it for the money and sex sells…right? You’re going to tell me that it’s my responsibility to guard my kids from that stuff and you’re right! But seriously…you are getting too efficient at getting in front of people’s faces at the times they least expect it. You don’t need to teach the youth of the nation that women should be looked at as meat. Your  food is awesome! You don’t need to do what you’re doing in order to sell your food.  What kind of “meat” are you trying to sell around there anyway? Sex has nothing to do with a cheeseburger. I don’t see the connection at all. There are plenty of other food joints that are doing awesome without destroying the minds of the rising generation.

I’m just begging you…on behalf of all the dads, and all the youth of our nation, to go back to selling burgers and get away from selling sex and promiscuity. When my kids are old enough to surf Trestles…I want them to be able to grab a breakfast meal from you instead of heading down the street. Those are memories I want to have with them…and I’m hoping you can help. I don’t want them to see that red and yellow smiling star and the only memory that comes to mind is two fringe lesbians getting sexual with close to nothing on. All it takes is a shift in your marketing campaign to do it…and for what it’s worth…you’ll have four new customers right off the bat.

Your estranged friend,


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